timeripple (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeripple) wrote2011-10-18 01:48 pm
timeripple) wrote2011-10-18 01:48 pm
Entry tags:
I'll try harder to speak
Autumn is here at last! Tis the season for leaves and apple cider and also, apparently, for single young gentlemen to attempt to score dates at bookstores. I don’t know what it is about the season but there must be something in the water. Other, better socialized people may find getting hit on at work more amusing than I do, or even productive, but my patience is wearing thin. Normally I cultivate an aura of STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, but for obvious reasons I have to discard it while at my retail job.
Also, as we all know, my heart belongs to a long-dead young scholar named Phanokrates. Are you named Phanokrates? Or Zai Zai? No? Then go away; I have work to do.
Things to Consider before Asking Cute Bookseller Girl on a Date While She's Working
(NB: This is a semi-autobiographical post. Not all these things have happened to me, or to the degree which I discuss them. But some of them have. Others have happened to other people.)
Number one is probably “Even if she is standing behind a counter, a bookstore is not a bar.”
No, really.
Also, “to check out” in bookstore context means “pay for the stuff you’re holding,” not scope out possible dates.
Even if the store is not full of clamoring customers, Cute Bookseller Girl has a million things she could be doing that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the non-customer-interaction parts of her job. You are wasting precious shelving time.
As one of my dear bookseller friends once said facetiously (and in another context), “Do not mistake my friendliness for genuine affection.” Cute Bookseller Girl was hired because she is personable and articulate. She may be enthused when talking to you, but probably because you’re asking her to tell you about the type of books she enjoys talking about. CBG gets a lot of questions about things she doesn’t care about; she will be overjoyed to actually discuss her favorite books.
On a more serious note, any interaction you have with CBG is already rooted in a customer-salesperson relationship, which has uncomfortable implications. If she doesn’t go out with you, will you stop shopping there? You can immediately see the icky downhill thought slope that question leads to (ending, with a horrible thump, in a big pile of blackmail and prostitution. Listen, even if she works at, say, a struggling local business, no girl is crazy enough to date you just to keep you shopping there. I HOPE).
On the other hand, If she turns you down and you keep shopping there, are you likely to make her life awkward at her place of work? You can physically escape the space of an awkward situation by leaving the store at any time. She can’t.
A subset is Why Dinner?: Doesn’t Anybody Ask for Coffee Dates Any More?
CBG may not actually want to get dinner after closing the store at 10 pm. She may just want to go home and go to sleep because she came in unexpectedly today because someone was sick and she has to open the next morning, which means being back there at 7:30 am, which if she lives, say, 40 minutes away means that she will be getting AT MOST six hours of sleep that night.
Also, CBG may not actually be a normal, functioning member of society, and asking her to dinner may be coming on a little bit strong. She is a damn busy person and probably doesn’t have time to spend with people she actually likes, let alone to spend on an awkward dinner trying to figure out whether she likes you while also trying to actually eat and not look like a slob or spill anything on herself or anybody else.
Consider, instead, asking her to coffee or tea. Same risks, but less pressure.
Or better yet, instead of asking CBG out and then necessitating a scramble for contact info from her, detracting from things she could usefully be doing in her place of employment: consider giving her your written-down name and phone number or email address with a simple, brief statement of interest–and then leaving. This gives CBG the power of initiation without any pressure for an immediate decision (especially in a place where she’s supposed to be paying attention to other things). It’s a burden of action rather than of inaction: she can angst about whether or not to call you, but doesn’t have to sit around angsting about whether you’re going to call–something that is, by the way, completely beyond her control and also a horrible cliche.
Most importantly: If CBG turns you down, you can probably still shop at the store–see above on customer-bookseller power relations–but don’t specially seek her out at the info desk or cash register. Really. And that’s not just CBG-specific advice, that’s guidelines for non-stalkery normal social behavior which you should apply to all people at all times.
If CBG refuses to give you her contact information or full name, don’t ask her co-workers when her back is turned. If they’re not morons, they won’t tell you anyway, plus they will report you to the manager and the manager will tell all the employees and they will all shun you.
Because stalking her? Will not make CBG want to go out with you once she understands the depths of your devotion. Even if she sells YA fiction. Really.
Really.
Also, as we all know, my heart belongs to a long-dead young scholar named Phanokrates. Are you named Phanokrates? Or Zai Zai? No? Then go away; I have work to do.
Things to Consider before Asking Cute Bookseller Girl on a Date While She's Working
(NB: This is a semi-autobiographical post. Not all these things have happened to me, or to the degree which I discuss them. But some of them have. Others have happened to other people.)
Number one is probably “Even if she is standing behind a counter, a bookstore is not a bar.”
No, really.
Also, “to check out” in bookstore context means “pay for the stuff you’re holding,” not scope out possible dates.
Even if the store is not full of clamoring customers, Cute Bookseller Girl has a million things she could be doing that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the non-customer-interaction parts of her job. You are wasting precious shelving time.
As one of my dear bookseller friends once said facetiously (and in another context), “Do not mistake my friendliness for genuine affection.” Cute Bookseller Girl was hired because she is personable and articulate. She may be enthused when talking to you, but probably because you’re asking her to tell you about the type of books she enjoys talking about. CBG gets a lot of questions about things she doesn’t care about; she will be overjoyed to actually discuss her favorite books.
On a more serious note, any interaction you have with CBG is already rooted in a customer-salesperson relationship, which has uncomfortable implications. If she doesn’t go out with you, will you stop shopping there? You can immediately see the icky downhill thought slope that question leads to (ending, with a horrible thump, in a big pile of blackmail and prostitution. Listen, even if she works at, say, a struggling local business, no girl is crazy enough to date you just to keep you shopping there. I HOPE).
On the other hand, If she turns you down and you keep shopping there, are you likely to make her life awkward at her place of work? You can physically escape the space of an awkward situation by leaving the store at any time. She can’t.
A subset is Why Dinner?: Doesn’t Anybody Ask for Coffee Dates Any More?
CBG may not actually want to get dinner after closing the store at 10 pm. She may just want to go home and go to sleep because she came in unexpectedly today because someone was sick and she has to open the next morning, which means being back there at 7:30 am, which if she lives, say, 40 minutes away means that she will be getting AT MOST six hours of sleep that night.
Also, CBG may not actually be a normal, functioning member of society, and asking her to dinner may be coming on a little bit strong. She is a damn busy person and probably doesn’t have time to spend with people she actually likes, let alone to spend on an awkward dinner trying to figure out whether she likes you while also trying to actually eat and not look like a slob or spill anything on herself or anybody else.
Consider, instead, asking her to coffee or tea. Same risks, but less pressure.
Or better yet, instead of asking CBG out and then necessitating a scramble for contact info from her, detracting from things she could usefully be doing in her place of employment: consider giving her your written-down name and phone number or email address with a simple, brief statement of interest–and then leaving. This gives CBG the power of initiation without any pressure for an immediate decision (especially in a place where she’s supposed to be paying attention to other things). It’s a burden of action rather than of inaction: she can angst about whether or not to call you, but doesn’t have to sit around angsting about whether you’re going to call–something that is, by the way, completely beyond her control and also a horrible cliche.
Most importantly: If CBG turns you down, you can probably still shop at the store–see above on customer-bookseller power relations–but don’t specially seek her out at the info desk or cash register. Really. And that’s not just CBG-specific advice, that’s guidelines for non-stalkery normal social behavior which you should apply to all people at all times.
If CBG refuses to give you her contact information or full name, don’t ask her co-workers when her back is turned. If they’re not morons, they won’t tell you anyway, plus they will report you to the manager and the manager will tell all the employees and they will all shun you.
Because stalking her? Will not make CBG want to go out with you once she understands the depths of your devotion. Even if she sells YA fiction. Really.
Really.
no subject
Also, on a scale of 1-10 how creepy would it be for me to call you cute bookstore girl from now on?
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Depends on who you're talking to, I guess! Part of me thinks it would be super creepy, and part of me thinks it would be super hilarious. XD
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The other bookstore people ignore me, which is too bad, because they tend to be people I would like to talk to...
Anyway. GREAT POST, I will keep this in mind.
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Actually I wonder if bookstore baristas have similar experiences, or if it's a whole other experience for them. (We don't have a coffee shop, so I can't ask them, but it is something to ponder.)
You notice nobody in Coffee Prince gets hit on at work by customers, despite being ridiculously pretty. Hmmmm... oh, right, dramaland =/= real life!
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and I'm pretty sure Mr. Hong had a couple of older ladies sitting at the bar to chat him up.
Of course, I am just reading into it now I've had the suggestion...
Fiction being what it is, if it has no correlation to the main plot, it's not going to show up and the ongoing dynamic between all the guys was more interesting than outsiders (as shown by the complete lack of sparkle to that one guy's Customer 3 romance except for the moments of playboy reversal). But I'm pretty sure the whole POINT of the cafe was exploitation. And the outdoor waffle-stand scenes don't hone in on it but it's like flirt-city, I'm sure.
/end overly analytical dissection of a pop drama
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(Anonymous) 2011-10-19 04:12 am (UTC)(link)There was only once in my life that a guy complimented me and THEN IMMEDIATELY LEFT and gave me space to think about it. And I felt very kindly towards him indeed for that courtesy. I don't know why more people don't do this -- approach, make your polite and friendly overture, then give the object of your interest some space.
--JC
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Why all the invitations? Do people think selling books is sexy? (It so is, but is that really the impression people have?)
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(Anonymous) 2011-10-19 11:51 am (UTC)(link)still - great general rules to live by when asking anyone out at their place of work :)
-m
no subject