Orthros no Inu, Episodes 3 and 4
Aug. 27th, 2009 09:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timerippleI am back from exciting times in New York! I will post about those eventually, but it might take a while because they were numerous and awesome, and because I have epic packing and cleaning and procrastinating to do. In the meantime, I sat down to catch up on my drama-watching and just about died from ep 4. The recap is way too long, but I tried to put some context in this time so it's more a recap and less Random Moments Fiona Thinks Are Funny.
Orthros no Inu, Episode 3
THE DEAD BODY SCIENTISTS: *flirt in the morgue again*
THE POLICE: *are incompetent*
COP!KIYORA: I’m sorry. The higher-ups won’t give your formerly comatose student any more security, even though they know for a fact that thugs are going to try to silence her.
RYO: Clearly I will have to stand guard myself. Possibly with a book of love poetry in hand. Yes. It is my Homeroom Teacher duty.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: He can heal you!
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: Psssh, yeah right.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: With just a single touch!
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: I don’t believe a word of it.
TACKEY: *appears*
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: ...A touch, you say?
MS. CANDIDATE: What did you break out of prison for? Money? Fame? Power?
TACKEY: Maybe I broke out of prison for love.
CANDIDATE: ...Yeah, right.
TACKEY: ...
WOOBIE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
TACKEY: AHAHAHAHAHA just kidding. Maybe.
RYO: *wears a slightly darker shade of grey*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
Some Playground
TACKEY: *is threadbare*
MIO-CHAN: *coughs*
TACKEY: Would you like me to heal you, little girl?
MIO-CHAN: You are creepy and also a bad man. I know this, OJISAN.
TACKEY: Oi, who are you calling ojisan?! It should be oniisan!
MIO-CHAN: Oh please. You’re obviously at least 2wenty-2wo.
TERRIBLE PUN ALERT: *goes off the scale*
MIO-CHAN: *wheezes*
COP!KIYORA: I will DEFINITELY not use Tackey’s miraculous healing powers to save my daughter. DEFINITELY NOT.
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
TAILOR: *snips*
TACKEY’S HAND: *bleeds*
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: Is there a limit to what you can heal, then?
TACKEY: Yeah, I can only heal wounds that are covered by insurance. Can’t heal myself or do plastic surgery. Very inconvenient.
DECEPTOMETER: *goes to yellow*
TACKEY: *sucks own cut, hotly, while gazing into his own reflected eyes, also hotly*
See, having read the Evil Overlord’s Handbook, this is exactly the kind of thing you say to put your enemies off-guard so they will never discover your true secret weakness.
FORMERLY COMATOSE STUDENT: Not that I don’t appreciate your- er- concern, sensei, but why are you here?
RYO: I find that a dedicated homeroom teacher armed with a book of love poetry is the best defense against crazed knife-wielding rich boys, don’t you?
HIKARU: I unexpectedly show up and try to knife the only witness to my crime!
RYO: I am still the most useless knight ever! Even after I wore a slightly darker jacket, go figure.
HIKARU: *slash*
RYO: *now has a matching cut of symbolism and balance and omg fate*
HIKARU: Watch me stab the girl’s mom instead!
RYO: D:
HIKARU: *runs for it*
COP!KIYORA: *KIYORA SMASH!*
COP!KIYORA: Try to use the back stair, BRAT? Tell Tackey my daughter wants to see him, PUNK.
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
TACKEY: The balance of the Force, blah blah blah
RYO’S HAIR: *is disheveled in a way that clearly indicates moral ambiguity*
TACKEY: Hey, check out our matching cuts of symbolism and balance and omg fate!
RYO'S HAIR: *considers matching cuts of fate*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
Some Private Hospital Facility
TACKEY: Strollin’ in. All persons not directly connected with my plan please leave.
MS. CANDIDATE: Hello, handsome!
THE DOOR: *clangs shut*
Orthros no Inu, Episode 4
In which "^" indicates a line quoted more or less verbatim from the episode.
THAT COP FROM SAILOR FUKU TO KIKANJUU: So, we still can’t find Hikaru.
COP!KIYORA: I have no idea what you’re talking about. None!
THAT COP: But I’ll get some police protection for Formerly Comatose Student over here. You know, since Hikaru tried to kill her and stabbed her mother instead and scratched up Ryo’s hand really symbolically and all.
COP!KIYORA: Whatever, it’s totally a mother’s duty to get critically stabbed for her daughter.
THAT COP: Oh yeah, how’s Mio-chan?
COP!KIYORA: D:
RYO: It’s all my fault!
FORMERLY COMATOSE STUDENT: It’s not your fault, sensei. I thought it was very valiant of you, getting punched in the face and stabbed while trying to defend me. Um, with a book of love poetry.
RYO’S BANGS: D:
TACKEY: So Ryo’s not from Plot Point Village?
HOMELESS EX-COP: No! But his family visited there once! While he was in utero, or something!
TACKEY: That’s weird. Why would they do that? Did they somehow not see the “Cursed Spring-- Bathe At Your Own Risk” signs?
HOMELESS EX-COP: *shrug*
TACKEY: I can’t believe you fell over just because your father slapped you a tiny bit. That was barely even a pat on the cheek!
HIKARU: Whatever. Crazy cop lady says Mio-chan wants to see you.
TACKEY: I bet you were a total tomboy and beat people up when you were Mio-chan’s age. Oh, btw, I asked her if she'd give me her most precious thing if I healed her and she said no, I couldn't have her mommy. So what will you give me if I heal her?
COP!KIYORA: *takes off jacket*
TACKEY: *stare*
COP!KIYORA: *stare*
TACKEY: *stare*
COP!KIYORA: *takes his hand*
MUSIC: *swells*
COP!KIYORA: HANDCUFFS FOR YOU, BABY.
TACKEY: Well, if that’s what you’re into...
COP!KIYORA: YOU. ARE SO. UNDER ARREST.
TACKEY: D:
MIO-CHAN: *coughs pathetically*
TACKEY: ...Well?
COP!KIYORA: *is thinking about it*
A WHOLE BUNCH OF SUITS: *burst in*
TACKEY: If you change your mind, just let me know. Any time, baby.^
COP!KIYORA: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: *is apparently also National Executioner* So, that Cop!Kiyora. She’s hot, but too good at her job. It’s not good for a cop to have a sense of justice in this country, you know.
TACKEY: Tell me ‘bout it.
FORSENIC SENSEI: I’m supposed to execute you, but I think it would be more fun to tear up the order and do some pseudoexposition instead. How’s that sound?
TACKEY: Go for it, man.
FORSENIC SENSEI: Your village was drowned back in ’96 and wiped from the map! Oh, btw, I know you have special powers. I’d say more, maybe get in a little psychological playtime, but Prime Minister Candidate Lady’s here with her limo. Have fun, try not to overdo it, I’ll drop by later, mmkay?
POLICE DEPARTMENT HEAD: You caught Tackey! Congrats!
COP!KIYORA: I’m sorry, did you just praise me? After you suspended me and told me my methods were no good?
THAT COP: Well done! Why don’t you take a vacation, spend time with Mio-chan? It’s not like the national executioner would let Tackey loose again or anything.
COP!KIYORA: That sounds nice. :D
RYO: What about meeeee?^
COP!KIYORA: What about you? Go style your bangs, or something.
RYO: I need to be punished tooooooo!^
COP!KIYORA: *sigh*
AND THEN SHE BUYS HIM ICE CREAM. I AM NOT EVEN MAKING THIS UP.
RYO: But I’m a killer!
COP!KIYORA: Please. You’re obviously a woobie, not a criminal.
RYO: I CAN BE BOTH! It worked really well in Last Friends!
COP!KIYORA: A little too well, from what I hear.
RYO: Look, it's not my fault fangirls can be really insane sometimes. Look at the Twihards.
COP!KIYORA: Point taken.
RYO: *broods in front of dog’s grave marker*
SISTER: Weird how Oniichan always goes to see Baron when he comes home, isn’t it?
MOM: Yeah, he really loved that dog. Baron just mysteriously died one day, though. No idea how that happened.
ME: D: D: D:
[ANIME FLASHBACK]
RYO: Kid!me sure had his priorities straight. Check it out, true strength is being able to protect what’s important to you!
HOMELESS EX-COP: Ahhh, save it for Gokusen, kid.
RYO: And true angst is weeping about it fifteen years later!
NEWS ANCHOR: Due to the influence of the national executioner who is secretly working for the president of a pharmaceutical company and the political candidate he supports, Tackey has been declared innocent, and is now a national celebrity!
TACKEY: *pulls out the Noble Woobie song-and-dance*
THE PRESS: *loves it*
COP!KIYORA: D: D: D:
RYO: D: D: D:
HOMELESS EX-COP: DON’T PANIC! I KNOW WHERE MY TOWEL IS! ...But not my secret camcorder. Uh-oh.
And as Ryo watches Tackey’s walk of triumph from the sidewalk, the Wind Machine o’ Determination slowly cranks into life...
FORSENIC SENSEI: What are your intentions toward Tackey?
MS. CANDIDATE: Pfft, aren’t you a silly.
GIANT BED: *looms in foreground as they chat about how best to use Tackey’s powers and how to minimize the number of people who know about them*
FORSENIC SENSEI: And then of course, Mr. Company President, your criminal son Hikaru knows too...
MS. CANDIDATE: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: Also I know a homeroom teacher with the hand of the Devil who might be coming after him. We should maybe do something about that.
PRESIDENT: You have got to be kidding me.
MASKED DUDE: Package for Mr. I’ve-got-the-Devil’s-hands,-watch-me-woobie?
RYO: Ah, must be that new book of love poetry I ordered. Hai!
MASKED DUDE: *stabz* *gets pillow instead*
FEATHERS: *rain down upon Ryo’s bewildered woobie head, because it’s not an epic intense drama unless there are FEATHERS*
RYO: WTF, why are people trying to stab me?!
MASKED DUDE: *stabz again*
RYO: *fights back, and does pretty well for a guy who spends all his time picking out three-piece suits and reading love poetry* It must be Hikaru again! I’m sure it couldn’t be some random guy they sent to trick me into killing on camera or anything!
MASKED DUDE: *is totally some random guy they sent to trick him into killing on camera*
RYO: D: D: D:
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Funny thing, the other day I was on Ms. Candidate’s top secret medical staff, and she was miraculously well all of a sudden!
COP!KIYORA: Oh, crap.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Do you know something? Can we use it to get rich? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW.
PHONE: *rings*
COP!KIYORA: Thank goodness for timely interruptions! Hello?
RYO: Wahhh, I’m all alone in a bad part of town and it’s dark and scary and I’m an undersized idol all by myself, can you come get me? Oh, and I killed somebody again.
COP!KIYORA: HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!
MS. CANDIDATE: *celebrates her recovery by boozing it up with Tackey* I’m using you. You should be grateful.
TACKEY: Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m the one using you.
MS. CANDIDATE: Aren’t you sweet. *takes off her jacket* I can throw you back in your cage any time, dog.
TACKEY: I admit, I enjoyed it more when Cop!Kiyora was the one taking off her jacket and talking about cages.
THE DEAD BODY SCIENTISTS: *have a date over Ryo’s latest flawless corpse*
FORSENIC LADY: What’s this old thing? Oh, it’s Homeless Ex-Cop’s home video of... himself STABBING THE THREE DUDES Tackey supposedly killed and then TELLING TACKEY TO HEAL THEM WTF OMG-- hey, he looks pretty good even in grainy 35mm-- OMG INTENSE PLOT IS INTENSE WTFBBQ O_O
THE END
Orthros no Inu, Episode 3
THE DEAD BODY SCIENTISTS: *flirt in the morgue again*
THE POLICE: *are incompetent*
COP!KIYORA: I’m sorry. The higher-ups won’t give your formerly comatose student any more security, even though they know for a fact that thugs are going to try to silence her.
RYO: Clearly I will have to stand guard myself. Possibly with a book of love poetry in hand. Yes. It is my Homeroom Teacher duty.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: He can heal you!
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: Psssh, yeah right.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: With just a single touch!
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: I don’t believe a word of it.
TACKEY: *appears*
PRIME MINISTER CANDIDATE: ...A touch, you say?
MS. CANDIDATE: What did you break out of prison for? Money? Fame? Power?
TACKEY: Maybe I broke out of prison for love.
CANDIDATE: ...Yeah, right.
TACKEY: ...
WOOBIE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
TACKEY: AHAHAHAHAHA just kidding. Maybe.
RYO: *wears a slightly darker shade of grey*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
Some Playground
TACKEY: *is threadbare*
MIO-CHAN: *coughs*
TACKEY: Would you like me to heal you, little girl?
MIO-CHAN: You are creepy and also a bad man. I know this, OJISAN.
TACKEY: Oi, who are you calling ojisan?! It should be oniisan!
MIO-CHAN: Oh please. You’re obviously at least 2wenty-2wo.
TERRIBLE PUN ALERT: *goes off the scale*
MIO-CHAN: *wheezes*
COP!KIYORA: I will DEFINITELY not use Tackey’s miraculous healing powers to save my daughter. DEFINITELY NOT.
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to yellow*
TAILOR: *snips*
TACKEY’S HAND: *bleeds*
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: Is there a limit to what you can heal, then?
TACKEY: Yeah, I can only heal wounds that are covered by insurance. Can’t heal myself or do plastic surgery. Very inconvenient.
DECEPTOMETER: *goes to yellow*
TACKEY: *sucks own cut, hotly, while gazing into his own reflected eyes, also hotly*
See, having read the Evil Overlord’s Handbook, this is exactly the kind of thing you say to put your enemies off-guard so they will never discover your true secret weakness.
FORMERLY COMATOSE STUDENT: Not that I don’t appreciate your- er- concern, sensei, but why are you here?
RYO: I find that a dedicated homeroom teacher armed with a book of love poetry is the best defense against crazed knife-wielding rich boys, don’t you?
HIKARU: I unexpectedly show up and try to knife the only witness to my crime!
RYO: I am still the most useless knight ever! Even after I wore a slightly darker jacket, go figure.
HIKARU: *slash*
RYO: *now has a matching cut of symbolism and balance and omg fate*
HIKARU: Watch me stab the girl’s mom instead!
RYO: D:
HIKARU: *runs for it*
COP!KIYORA: *KIYORA SMASH!*
COP!KIYORA: Try to use the back stair, BRAT? Tell Tackey my daughter wants to see him, PUNK.
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
TACKEY: The balance of the Force, blah blah blah
RYO’S HAIR: *is disheveled in a way that clearly indicates moral ambiguity*
TACKEY: Hey, check out our matching cuts of symbolism and balance and omg fate!
RYO'S HAIR: *considers matching cuts of fate*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
Some Private Hospital Facility
TACKEY: Strollin’ in. All persons not directly connected with my plan please leave.
MS. CANDIDATE: Hello, handsome!
THE DOOR: *clangs shut*
Orthros no Inu, Episode 4
In which "^" indicates a line quoted more or less verbatim from the episode.
THAT COP FROM SAILOR FUKU TO KIKANJUU: So, we still can’t find Hikaru.
COP!KIYORA: I have no idea what you’re talking about. None!
THAT COP: But I’ll get some police protection for Formerly Comatose Student over here. You know, since Hikaru tried to kill her and stabbed her mother instead and scratched up Ryo’s hand really symbolically and all.
COP!KIYORA: Whatever, it’s totally a mother’s duty to get critically stabbed for her daughter.
THAT COP: Oh yeah, how’s Mio-chan?
COP!KIYORA: D:
RYO: It’s all my fault!
FORMERLY COMATOSE STUDENT: It’s not your fault, sensei. I thought it was very valiant of you, getting punched in the face and stabbed while trying to defend me. Um, with a book of love poetry.
RYO’S BANGS: D:
TACKEY: So Ryo’s not from Plot Point Village?
HOMELESS EX-COP: No! But his family visited there once! While he was in utero, or something!
TACKEY: That’s weird. Why would they do that? Did they somehow not see the “Cursed Spring-- Bathe At Your Own Risk” signs?
HOMELESS EX-COP: *shrug*
TACKEY: I can’t believe you fell over just because your father slapped you a tiny bit. That was barely even a pat on the cheek!
HIKARU: Whatever. Crazy cop lady says Mio-chan wants to see you.
TACKEY: I bet you were a total tomboy and beat people up when you were Mio-chan’s age. Oh, btw, I asked her if she'd give me her most precious thing if I healed her and she said no, I couldn't have her mommy. So what will you give me if I heal her?
COP!KIYORA: *takes off jacket*
TACKEY: *stare*
COP!KIYORA: *stare*
TACKEY: *stare*
COP!KIYORA: *takes his hand*
MUSIC: *swells*
COP!KIYORA: HANDCUFFS FOR YOU, BABY.
TACKEY: Well, if that’s what you’re into...
COP!KIYORA: YOU. ARE SO. UNDER ARREST.
TACKEY: D:
MIO-CHAN: *coughs pathetically*
TACKEY: ...Well?
COP!KIYORA: *is thinking about it*
A WHOLE BUNCH OF SUITS: *burst in*
TACKEY: If you change your mind, just let me know. Any time, baby.^
COP!KIYORA: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: *is apparently also National Executioner* So, that Cop!Kiyora. She’s hot, but too good at her job. It’s not good for a cop to have a sense of justice in this country, you know.
TACKEY: Tell me ‘bout it.
FORSENIC SENSEI: I’m supposed to execute you, but I think it would be more fun to tear up the order and do some pseudoexposition instead. How’s that sound?
TACKEY: Go for it, man.
FORSENIC SENSEI: Your village was drowned back in ’96 and wiped from the map! Oh, btw, I know you have special powers. I’d say more, maybe get in a little psychological playtime, but Prime Minister Candidate Lady’s here with her limo. Have fun, try not to overdo it, I’ll drop by later, mmkay?
POLICE DEPARTMENT HEAD: You caught Tackey! Congrats!
COP!KIYORA: I’m sorry, did you just praise me? After you suspended me and told me my methods were no good?
THAT COP: Well done! Why don’t you take a vacation, spend time with Mio-chan? It’s not like the national executioner would let Tackey loose again or anything.
COP!KIYORA: That sounds nice. :D
RYO: What about meeeee?^
COP!KIYORA: What about you? Go style your bangs, or something.
RYO: I need to be punished tooooooo!^
COP!KIYORA: *sigh*
AND THEN SHE BUYS HIM ICE CREAM. I AM NOT EVEN MAKING THIS UP.
RYO: But I’m a killer!
COP!KIYORA: Please. You’re obviously a woobie, not a criminal.
RYO: I CAN BE BOTH! It worked really well in Last Friends!
COP!KIYORA: A little too well, from what I hear.
RYO: Look, it's not my fault fangirls can be really insane sometimes. Look at the Twihards.
COP!KIYORA: Point taken.
RYO: *broods in front of dog’s grave marker*
SISTER: Weird how Oniichan always goes to see Baron when he comes home, isn’t it?
MOM: Yeah, he really loved that dog. Baron just mysteriously died one day, though. No idea how that happened.
ME: D: D: D:
[ANIME FLASHBACK]
RYO: Kid!me sure had his priorities straight. Check it out, true strength is being able to protect what’s important to you!
HOMELESS EX-COP: Ahhh, save it for Gokusen, kid.
RYO: And true angst is weeping about it fifteen years later!
NEWS ANCHOR: Due to the influence of the national executioner who is secretly working for the president of a pharmaceutical company and the political candidate he supports, Tackey has been declared innocent, and is now a national celebrity!
TACKEY: *pulls out the Noble Woobie song-and-dance*
THE PRESS: *loves it*
COP!KIYORA: D: D: D:
RYO: D: D: D:
HOMELESS EX-COP: DON’T PANIC! I KNOW WHERE MY TOWEL IS! ...But not my secret camcorder. Uh-oh.
And as Ryo watches Tackey’s walk of triumph from the sidewalk, the Wind Machine o’ Determination slowly cranks into life...
FORSENIC SENSEI: What are your intentions toward Tackey?
MS. CANDIDATE: Pfft, aren’t you a silly.
GIANT BED: *looms in foreground as they chat about how best to use Tackey’s powers and how to minimize the number of people who know about them*
FORSENIC SENSEI: And then of course, Mr. Company President, your criminal son Hikaru knows too...
MS. CANDIDATE: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: Also I know a homeroom teacher with the hand of the Devil who might be coming after him. We should maybe do something about that.
PRESIDENT: You have got to be kidding me.
MASKED DUDE: Package for Mr. I’ve-got-the-Devil’s-hands,-watch-me-woobie?
RYO: Ah, must be that new book of love poetry I ordered. Hai!
MASKED DUDE: *stabz* *gets pillow instead*
FEATHERS: *rain down upon Ryo’s bewildered woobie head, because it’s not an epic intense drama unless there are FEATHERS*
RYO: WTF, why are people trying to stab me?!
MASKED DUDE: *stabz again*
RYO: *fights back, and does pretty well for a guy who spends all his time picking out three-piece suits and reading love poetry* It must be Hikaru again! I’m sure it couldn’t be some random guy they sent to trick me into killing on camera or anything!
MASKED DUDE: *is totally some random guy they sent to trick him into killing on camera*
RYO: D: D: D:
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Funny thing, the other day I was on Ms. Candidate’s top secret medical staff, and she was miraculously well all of a sudden!
COP!KIYORA: Oh, crap.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Do you know something? Can we use it to get rich? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW.
PHONE: *rings*
COP!KIYORA: Thank goodness for timely interruptions! Hello?
RYO: Wahhh, I’m all alone in a bad part of town and it’s dark and scary and I’m an undersized idol all by myself, can you come get me? Oh, and I killed somebody again.
COP!KIYORA: HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!
MS. CANDIDATE: *celebrates her recovery by boozing it up with Tackey* I’m using you. You should be grateful.
TACKEY: Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m the one using you.
MS. CANDIDATE: Aren’t you sweet. *takes off her jacket* I can throw you back in your cage any time, dog.
TACKEY: I admit, I enjoyed it more when Cop!Kiyora was the one taking off her jacket and talking about cages.
THE DEAD BODY SCIENTISTS: *have a date over Ryo’s latest flawless corpse*
FORSENIC LADY: What’s this old thing? Oh, it’s Homeless Ex-Cop’s home video of... himself STABBING THE THREE DUDES Tackey supposedly killed and then TELLING TACKEY TO HEAL THEM WTF OMG-- hey, he looks pretty good even in grainy 35mm-- OMG INTENSE PLOT IS INTENSE WTFBBQ O_O
THE END
