Orthros no Inu, Episode 5
Aug. 31st, 2009 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timerippleBecause I am a terrible and irresponsible person, I watched the next episode instead of cleaning out my cupboards. Yeah, I know.
Previously on Orthros no Inu...
EVERYTHING: *goes to hell in a handbasket*
Orthros no Inu, Episode 5
RYO: *angsts quietly*
FORSENIC SENSEI: You’re my dream weapon, baby.
RYO: ...what.
FORSENIC SENSEI: Tackey’s boring; he just makes people all better. You, on the other hand, can make me beautiful corpses. Such as Hikaru. For example.
RYO’S BANGS: *are concerned*
COP!KIYORA: Creepy Forsenic Sensei totally set you up last time!
RYO: Yeah, I know, he told me. And he’s going around asking me to kill people who know too much about Tackey. Which kind of includes you.
COP!KIYORA: Oh, crap.
COP!KIYORA and MIO-CHAN: *sing a song about flying up in the sky*
TACKEY: Hi.
COP!KIYORA: What is with you and suddenly appearing in people’s apartments?
TACKEY: I know what you’re thinking. You’re regretting arresting me instead of letting me heal Mio-chan.
COP!KIYORA: Well, yeah, kind of.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Hey, isn’t that the dude from TV the other day?
COP!KIYORA: THAT’S IT. ALL ESCAPED CONVICTS LEAVE MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Who was that guy, Mio-chan?
MIO-CHAN: Some guy who keeps hanging around my mom talking about magical healing. Creepy, but he’s kinda cute too.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Magical healing, you say?
COP!KIYORA: There will be no talk of get-rich-quick schemes in my house!
MIO-CHAN: Mama, your wound from Episode 1 is suddenly all healed!
COP!KIYORA: DAMN YOU, TACKEY!
RYO: Huh. I’m sure this hotel room number stuck under my door couldn’t possibly be ominous or anything.
MS CANDIDATE: *sings the same song as Mio-chan*
TACKEY: If you want to practice karaoke, please do so outside. *actual line*
MS CANDIDATE: So, here’s the plan. Let’s heal Cancer Girl secretly after her concert.
TACKEY: No thanks.
MS CANDIDATE: *flounces off*
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: TACKEY! PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR POWERS! I WANT TO USE THEM TO HEAL LOTS OF PEOPLE AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY!
TACKEY: Hey, dude. Let’s play some chess.
HOMELESS EX-COP: *runs*
COP!KIYORA: *chases*
HOMELESS EX-COP: *swings*
COP!KIYORA: TRY TO HIT ME WITH A TWO-BY-FOUR? I TAKE YOU DOWN. Tell me everything you know about Tackey and I might not bash your brains out all over the floor.
HOMELESS EX-COP: Look, the cops already have my Sekrit Videotape! The one that proves Tackey didn’t stab anyone!
COP!KIYORA: WHAT.
HOMELESS EX-COP: *spills*
[Anime flashback]
[Destruction of village. Because Tackey’s gift is a curse, you see, and everybody wants a piece of it. DESTRUCTION.]
RYO: *has found a dark gray t-shirt to angst in*
VOICEOVER MOM: You must never hate anyone! Terrible things will happen if you do!
RYO: What if I hate... myself?
RYO: *stares in mirror with self-loathing and despair*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Here’s the restaurant where you can meet with that asthma specialist I told you about.
COP!KIYORA: Thanks, sweetie. I’m sure he couldn’t possibly be that crazy Forsenic Sensei or Tackey or anybody associated with them!
THE ASTHMA SPECIALIST: *is totally Tackey*
TACKEY: Hi.
COP!KIYORA: ARGH.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: *heads for the border, as it were.*
COP!KIYORA: You’re a creep. Also you manipulate people’s feelings.
TACKEY: Well... duh?
COP!KIYORA: You’ve probably never loved anyone in your life.
WOOBIE ALERT FROM EPISODE 3: *goes off*
TACKEY: Well, no, but I could love someone. *grabs her arm, pulls her close and smooches* What do you think about that?
COP!KIYORA: *slaps him* *storms off*
TACKEY: Okay, so that did not go well.
TACKEY’S HAIR: *gets into the emo act*
WOOBIMETER: *starts ascending fast*
COP!KIYORA: MEN.
A BUNCH OF SUITS: *surround her*
COP!KIYORA: Great, I really wanted to round off the day with being kidnapped.
SOMEONE’S FIST: *intervenes, pretty impressively*
RYO: I finally did something useful! Whee!
THEY: *run for it*
COP!KIYORA: RYO.
RYO: Yes? Are you going to punish me now?
COP!KIYORA: You’re still holding my hand. With your murdering hand of death. Which I do not believe in. At all.
RYO: Whoops, sorry about that.
COP!KIYORA: Oh my God, am I wearing a big sign on my forehead that says “Grab Me” today or something?
RYO’S HAND OF THE DEVIL: Hey, check out my angle. I call this one “philosophical emo,” but I can do “guilty angst” and “utter despair” too!
COP!KIYORA: This whole thing with Tackey is really screwed up. He didn’t kill anybody, but he accepted the death sentence, and now he’s out wandering around being all manipulative and kissing people. Also, he’s looking for you.
RYO: Well, I did let him out of jail and all. About which I feel really bad. Neither of us should exist in this world.
COP!KIYORA: Yeah? What are you going to do about it?
RYO: I am going to go find a nice bridge and THROW MYSELF OFF IT. RIGHT NOW.
COP!KIYORA: No! You can’t! The drama’s only half over! If you die now, Tackey will have to shoulder the burden of being hot and angsty for the entire show! I mean, I’m pretty sure he could handle it, but still. Hey! Come back here!
OPENING CREDITS: *are super late, whoa*
RYO: *has found a black jacket to angst in*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to red*
[Is it just me, or does the jacket kind of look like a school uniform? Which would probably be where he got it, except he teaches at an all-girls school. I know, right? UTTER DISASTER.]
RYO: Hello. I'm here to kill you.
TACKEY: I’m the only person in the world who understands your feelings! *actual line*
RYO: How would you understand? Your power drives people mad. *actual line*
TACKEY: *obligatory one-per-episode dog analogy*
THIS SCENE: *is actually kinda good*
TACKEY: You came to kill me, didn’t you? Well, too bad. We’re playing metaphorical chess now, your move.
RYO: I... crap, he’s left already. Well, I could stand around and angst some more, I guess.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: Where the hell is my son?!
FORSENIC SENSEI: He’s on a trip of self-discovery. I’m sure he’ll send you a postcard, eventually. Whoops, gotta go, meeting with somebody. Laters!
ME: Excuses, excuses.
FORSENIC SENSEI: No, really, I actually do have a meeting with somebody. Ah, here he is now.
RYO: *strolls in, all intent and black jacket-y*
RYO: Hey man. This is the hand of the Devil. Wanna shake it?
DARK SIDE ALERT: ...
ME: Did you just...? Dude, you just broke the Dark Side Alert!
CANCER GIRL: *sings*
TACKEY: *slo-mos in*
MS CANDIDATE: Hey, dude. What made you change your mind?
TACKEY: Nothin’ much. Challenged some guy to a metaphorical game of chess, he made his move, you know how it is. Healing’s gotta be public, though.
MS CANDIDATE: Public healing? Are you nuts?
CANCER GIRL: *collapses*
TACKEY: *is inspirational, in a mean way*
TACKEY: Hey, quit judging me. I’m testing her, okay?
CANCER GIRL: Give me that microphone! I want to sing!
TACKEY: *heals her. It would be totally subtle, except Ms Candidate goes nuts and there’s kind of a big glowy thing*
ME: No wonder she collapsed. Those heels are fierce!
FORMERLY CANCER GIRL: *sings something inspirational to the tune of “Nessun Dorma”*
CREEPY EX-BOYFRIEND: That was amazing! How did you do it? Can we bottle it and sell it and get rich?
TACKEY: You’re a selfish jerk who deceived his girlfriend. Who I totally kissed five minutes later. Not telling you!
TACKEY’S HAIR: *swings righteously*
HIKARU: *sings*
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me
‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look
At the motherf*cking boat!
FORSENIC SENSEI: Go get ‘im, tiger. He knows about Tackey and must therefore die!
RYO: *gets his Psycho Mode on*
COP!KIYORA: Lone heroics time!
HIKARU: Why are you here?
COP!KIYORA: We’re leaving, punk.
HIKARU: Huh?
COP!KIYORA: MOVE IT, BRAT.
HIKARU: *exits boat right in front of Ryo*
FORSENIC SENSEI: Your turn!
RYO’S CHEEKBONES: *are resolute*
HIKARU: What? You’re a woobie teacher, you’re not going to actually kill me!
RYO: *Totally kills him. For real. Well, maybe. Probably. I mean, there was that whole deathcrunchy sound right before he pushed him off the boat, and all.*
MINIONS: Look who we found, boss!
COP!KIYORA: *struggles, but it’s three against one and she’s already beaten up a lot of people today*
FORSENIC SENSEI: Well, I was going to have Ryo kill you next. But since Tackey just healed Cancer Girl in front of two hundred people and now they ALL KNOW ABOUT HIM, I’m thinking I need a new plan.
COP!KIYORA: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: Which means Ryo just killed Hikaru for no reason. Heehee!
RYO: *broods over the ship railing, beautifully*
TACKEY: *examines dragon talisman just like Ryo’s*
while
RYO: *slo-mos on out of there*
FORMERLY CANCER GIRL: *gets her inspirational diva on with the song Mio-can and Ms Candidate were singing earlier*
TACKEY: *has totally symbolic white statue wings*
ME: Hey, they worked for Buffy.
THE END.
Previously on Orthros no Inu...
EVERYTHING: *goes to hell in a handbasket*
Orthros no Inu, Episode 5
RYO: *angsts quietly*
FORSENIC SENSEI: You’re my dream weapon, baby.
RYO: ...what.
FORSENIC SENSEI: Tackey’s boring; he just makes people all better. You, on the other hand, can make me beautiful corpses. Such as Hikaru. For example.
RYO’S BANGS: *are concerned*
COP!KIYORA: Creepy Forsenic Sensei totally set you up last time!
RYO: Yeah, I know, he told me. And he’s going around asking me to kill people who know too much about Tackey. Which kind of includes you.
COP!KIYORA: Oh, crap.
COP!KIYORA and MIO-CHAN: *sing a song about flying up in the sky*
TACKEY: Hi.
COP!KIYORA: What is with you and suddenly appearing in people’s apartments?
TACKEY: I know what you’re thinking. You’re regretting arresting me instead of letting me heal Mio-chan.
COP!KIYORA: Well, yeah, kind of.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Hey, isn’t that the dude from TV the other day?
COP!KIYORA: THAT’S IT. ALL ESCAPED CONVICTS LEAVE MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Who was that guy, Mio-chan?
MIO-CHAN: Some guy who keeps hanging around my mom talking about magical healing. Creepy, but he’s kinda cute too.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Magical healing, you say?
COP!KIYORA: There will be no talk of get-rich-quick schemes in my house!
MIO-CHAN: Mama, your wound from Episode 1 is suddenly all healed!
COP!KIYORA: DAMN YOU, TACKEY!
RYO: Huh. I’m sure this hotel room number stuck under my door couldn’t possibly be ominous or anything.
MS CANDIDATE: *sings the same song as Mio-chan*
TACKEY: If you want to practice karaoke, please do so outside. *actual line*
MS CANDIDATE: So, here’s the plan. Let’s heal Cancer Girl secretly after her concert.
TACKEY: No thanks.
MS CANDIDATE: *flounces off*
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: TACKEY! PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR POWERS! I WANT TO USE THEM TO HEAL LOTS OF PEOPLE AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY!
TACKEY: Hey, dude. Let’s play some chess.
HOMELESS EX-COP: *runs*
COP!KIYORA: *chases*
HOMELESS EX-COP: *swings*
COP!KIYORA: TRY TO HIT ME WITH A TWO-BY-FOUR? I TAKE YOU DOWN. Tell me everything you know about Tackey and I might not bash your brains out all over the floor.
HOMELESS EX-COP: Look, the cops already have my Sekrit Videotape! The one that proves Tackey didn’t stab anyone!
COP!KIYORA: WHAT.
HOMELESS EX-COP: *spills*
[Anime flashback]
[Destruction of village. Because Tackey’s gift is a curse, you see, and everybody wants a piece of it. DESTRUCTION.]
RYO: *has found a dark gray t-shirt to angst in*
VOICEOVER MOM: You must never hate anyone! Terrible things will happen if you do!
RYO: What if I hate... myself?
RYO: *stares in mirror with self-loathing and despair*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to orange*
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: Here’s the restaurant where you can meet with that asthma specialist I told you about.
COP!KIYORA: Thanks, sweetie. I’m sure he couldn’t possibly be that crazy Forsenic Sensei or Tackey or anybody associated with them!
THE ASTHMA SPECIALIST: *is totally Tackey*
TACKEY: Hi.
COP!KIYORA: ARGH.
CREEPY BOYFRIEND: *heads for the border, as it were.*
COP!KIYORA: You’re a creep. Also you manipulate people’s feelings.
TACKEY: Well... duh?
COP!KIYORA: You’ve probably never loved anyone in your life.
WOOBIE ALERT FROM EPISODE 3: *goes off*
TACKEY: Well, no, but I could love someone. *grabs her arm, pulls her close and smooches* What do you think about that?
COP!KIYORA: *slaps him* *storms off*
TACKEY: Okay, so that did not go well.
TACKEY’S HAIR: *gets into the emo act*
WOOBIMETER: *starts ascending fast*
COP!KIYORA: MEN.
A BUNCH OF SUITS: *surround her*
COP!KIYORA: Great, I really wanted to round off the day with being kidnapped.
SOMEONE’S FIST: *intervenes, pretty impressively*
RYO: I finally did something useful! Whee!
THEY: *run for it*
COP!KIYORA: RYO.
RYO: Yes? Are you going to punish me now?
COP!KIYORA: You’re still holding my hand. With your murdering hand of death. Which I do not believe in. At all.
RYO: Whoops, sorry about that.
COP!KIYORA: Oh my God, am I wearing a big sign on my forehead that says “Grab Me” today or something?
RYO’S HAND OF THE DEVIL: Hey, check out my angle. I call this one “philosophical emo,” but I can do “guilty angst” and “utter despair” too!
COP!KIYORA: This whole thing with Tackey is really screwed up. He didn’t kill anybody, but he accepted the death sentence, and now he’s out wandering around being all manipulative and kissing people. Also, he’s looking for you.
RYO: Well, I did let him out of jail and all. About which I feel really bad. Neither of us should exist in this world.
COP!KIYORA: Yeah? What are you going to do about it?
RYO: I am going to go find a nice bridge and THROW MYSELF OFF IT. RIGHT NOW.
COP!KIYORA: No! You can’t! The drama’s only half over! If you die now, Tackey will have to shoulder the burden of being hot and angsty for the entire show! I mean, I’m pretty sure he could handle it, but still. Hey! Come back here!
OPENING CREDITS: *are super late, whoa*
RYO: *has found a black jacket to angst in*
DARK SIDE ALERT: *goes to red*
[Is it just me, or does the jacket kind of look like a school uniform? Which would probably be where he got it, except he teaches at an all-girls school. I know, right? UTTER DISASTER.]
RYO: Hello. I'm here to kill you.
TACKEY: I’m the only person in the world who understands your feelings! *actual line*
RYO: How would you understand? Your power drives people mad. *actual line*
TACKEY: *obligatory one-per-episode dog analogy*
THIS SCENE: *is actually kinda good*
TACKEY: You came to kill me, didn’t you? Well, too bad. We’re playing metaphorical chess now, your move.
RYO: I... crap, he’s left already. Well, I could stand around and angst some more, I guess.
PHARMACEUTICAL PRESIDENT: Where the hell is my son?!
FORSENIC SENSEI: He’s on a trip of self-discovery. I’m sure he’ll send you a postcard, eventually. Whoops, gotta go, meeting with somebody. Laters!
ME: Excuses, excuses.
FORSENIC SENSEI: No, really, I actually do have a meeting with somebody. Ah, here he is now.
RYO: *strolls in, all intent and black jacket-y*
RYO: Hey man. This is the hand of the Devil. Wanna shake it?
DARK SIDE ALERT: ...
ME: Did you just...? Dude, you just broke the Dark Side Alert!
CANCER GIRL: *sings*
TACKEY: *slo-mos in*
MS CANDIDATE: Hey, dude. What made you change your mind?
TACKEY: Nothin’ much. Challenged some guy to a metaphorical game of chess, he made his move, you know how it is. Healing’s gotta be public, though.
MS CANDIDATE: Public healing? Are you nuts?
CANCER GIRL: *collapses*
TACKEY: *is inspirational, in a mean way*
TACKEY: Hey, quit judging me. I’m testing her, okay?
CANCER GIRL: Give me that microphone! I want to sing!
TACKEY: *heals her. It would be totally subtle, except Ms Candidate goes nuts and there’s kind of a big glowy thing*
ME: No wonder she collapsed. Those heels are fierce!
FORMERLY CANCER GIRL: *sings something inspirational to the tune of “Nessun Dorma”*
CREEPY EX-BOYFRIEND: That was amazing! How did you do it? Can we bottle it and sell it and get rich?
TACKEY: You’re a selfish jerk who deceived his girlfriend. Who I totally kissed five minutes later. Not telling you!
TACKEY’S HAIR: *swings righteously*
HIKARU: *sings*
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me
‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look
At the motherf*cking boat!
FORSENIC SENSEI: Go get ‘im, tiger. He knows about Tackey and must therefore die!
RYO: *gets his Psycho Mode on*
COP!KIYORA: Lone heroics time!
HIKARU: Why are you here?
COP!KIYORA: We’re leaving, punk.
HIKARU: Huh?
COP!KIYORA: MOVE IT, BRAT.
HIKARU: *exits boat right in front of Ryo*
FORSENIC SENSEI: Your turn!
RYO’S CHEEKBONES: *are resolute*
HIKARU: What? You’re a woobie teacher, you’re not going to actually kill me!
RYO: *Totally kills him. For real. Well, maybe. Probably. I mean, there was that whole deathcrunchy sound right before he pushed him off the boat, and all.*
MINIONS: Look who we found, boss!
COP!KIYORA: *struggles, but it’s three against one and she’s already beaten up a lot of people today*
FORSENIC SENSEI: Well, I was going to have Ryo kill you next. But since Tackey just healed Cancer Girl in front of two hundred people and now they ALL KNOW ABOUT HIM, I’m thinking I need a new plan.
COP!KIYORA: D:
FORSENIC SENSEI: Which means Ryo just killed Hikaru for no reason. Heehee!
RYO: *broods over the ship railing, beautifully*
TACKEY: *examines dragon talisman just like Ryo’s*
while
RYO: *slo-mos on out of there*
FORMERLY CANCER GIRL: *gets her inspirational diva on with the song Mio-can and Ms Candidate were singing earlier*
TACKEY: *has totally symbolic white statue wings*
ME: Hey, they worked for Buffy.
THE END.
